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Horseocolism : The True Cost of the Economic Troubles

Horseocolism : The True Cost of the Economic Troubles

Posted by Si 

So, I sat down to my Tesco own-brand Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes this morning (which I’ve now taken to calling “Credit Crunch”) and happened across a story which really put into perspective the sheer magnitude and pervasiveness of the global downturn in the world economy. If I could’ve afforded to allow one flake leave my mouth in disbelief I would’ve, but that would’ve cut my breakfest in half, and God knows when I’ll next be able to cough up Tesco’s £12.98 asking fee for a mid-sized box of toasted corn shavings…

It’s oft said that when hard times hit then many hoomans try to forget their troubles momentarily by layering their brain and body with alcohol, furthering slumping themselves into poverty in the process, yet paradoxically emancipating themselves from their immediate finanacial worries.

A typically human phenomenon, y’might think; imagine my disbelief this morning when I learned that it now appears the implications of the credit deathchoke have transcended into the animal world :

“Fat Boy” fails at suicide (Link, btw…)

I don’t know what breaks my heart most about this story; the fact that this tragic horseling took to eating fermented forbidden fruit in an effort to lace himself with enough hooch-juice to buffer his intention to wing himself into next door’s pool and end it all, or the fact he was found and rescued before he could escape his own impoverishment. These tears are real.

I decided to do some follow up on this story and investigate the extent to which horses, in particular, are turning to moonshine in light of recent economic developments. I warn you now, what you will witness below are several recorded examples of horses in mental decay at the hands of the Devil’s Drink, and all because they can no longer afford to pay an Italian semi-midget to sit atop their backs and beat them into running in a line.

Example # 1

This horse was found by it’s owner after having gone on a 6 hour bender and demolishing a 200 square foot patch of the local juniper berry crop, boozing itself into an aneurysm.

Example # 2

In a similar state of affairs; this brute apparently went on a juiced-up rampage at his local Sainsbury’s, accosting an inocent bystander in the spirit’s aisle and refusing to free them until he was allowed his way with the supermarket’s vodka supply. He promtply drank their Russian butcher into a coma, and was left not much better himself as can be seen. The video shows how the horse lost the use of it’s hind legs, instead trying to drunkenly “swim” along the ground in an effort to simulate meaningful movement. The horse regained use of it’s legs 4 months later.

Example # 3

What’s worse than a drunk man in charge of a motorcar? A drunk man in command of an even drunker horse. See below.
The pair were subsequently arrested and given 8 penalty points each.

Example # 4

In an infuriating display of mistreatment; the owners of this horse have trapped it inside their now empty family brandy shed. With no cash-money to replenish the supply, the horse is left to stir in the scent of it’s preferred poison. Despicable.

Dominque "Delgado" Soo